Lovekill
-poshspice-
My love...do i still have the right to call you so?
This may not be the right time but when is?
If i don't tell you i'm afraid
i'm gonna lose my wits

After the dead silence
here i am, a total basketcase
Blind you may be-believe, the absolute way i could bespeak
the thoughts...is through the old-fashioned way
just so in words, i may not reveal

Appalling things i may have done
way than imagine could one
Who wouldn't agree
that deserving i am
of the angst your sane mind can come up with
Assured you are, i felt the sting of it,
savored you must have, my distress in every minute
and proud you must've been
i am your prized trophy
in hurting the first person you've ever loved
a huge success you were indeed

Phony as it may seem
why after eons
you may be wondering.
Abruptly,i popped up on the scene
to find you To perplex your thoughts, you need not bother
bare to the question is the answer.
i still love you...a lot
I tried to hide it
but you stashed my heart

Accuse me not of trying to as a matter of fact, i did
a hundred, million times to forget you
Your scent, your presence, your kiss,
your laugh, your voice
the way we make music together
a lot like that, need i say more?
Like a love song for lovesick shitheads
you're always at the back of my mind
Like words that come out naturally,
it's just like riding a bike
one just never forgets
no matter how old you maybe,
a failure i am in forgetting you, admittedly.

the thought of not seeing you again,
in my heart, dissolves the stain of your angst
i want you to be around, to be there when needed under my mercy, my beck and call.
I know you must've contemplated what a sadistic bitch i am
call me whatever pleases you, i do not care
to you my sweet...nothing can compare
For your unconditional love that i carelessly shove out
a stupid headcase i was,(i know that) beyond doubt.
And like you, i too had succeeded
in hurting the first person, i had ever loved

You see, the culprit isn't all me
it's my folly and naivety
I blame them both for doubting the truth,
truth in the laws of love
tarnishing my emotions for you
Easily distracted i was by people whom falsely, i thought
can give me love i only found in you
Deceiving as they were before my sable eyes
it was you who'd been there for me
too late it was, amidst the fake crowd
all along, the one i loved most was thee
Nevertheless, as the stars bear witness


i wasn't that horrible person you often pictured me to be
In the perilous gamble of love,my part, i played well with conviction
fairly enough that you need not question,
no matter what you do
there is no denying of what is pure and true
even 'til my spirit grows tired
weakly as it may,the heart still longs for you
I just can't get you out of my system
one thing, not even pills nor morphine can do
I've done a lot of fucked-up things in the past that i'm not proud of, if you must know
I want to just kiss and make up with you somehow
though something's holding you back-
the grudge you would not let go
"sorry", i know, never can get things back where they were
but doesn't it help keep things
back where they now should be?
For months, i'd been the mist around you
though it seemed like i've known you all my life
it wouldn't take Freud to imagine,
just how funny, loving, thoughtful,and sweet,
to me you had been
The fancy you had in playing tricks on me,
the bullying and teasing 'til i no longer can take your bullsh*t =)
I knew you loved me well
and the token i give to you back
your love, so profound, it reached the point it had made me sick
The times had turned, now, things are way different
you wish me to think
of you,now as a pretentious and insensitive prick!
Who claims to have forgotten the past-
intentionally ignoring the present,
will i be able to endure?
If you do not imagine me
and you in the future?
I boldly want to start over,
of course, you damn know
'one' is the loneliest number
Just for you to stay,
together, i guess, it'll be easier
to make the ugly fuckin' scars fade away
just as your lovely hands,
my skin-it had lured
at whose fault, i need not care
the bottom line is, should you know,
i love you.
You only aren't a lover, who-
in my heart, whispered sweet nothings
and with my childish tricks-i often made crazy jealous
You are a sage, a maven
who defined love for me in any beautiful ways and more...
but who also made me felt the pain-
the agony-when i lost yours.
Another straw is what i needed
may it be the last, i don't fuckin' care
i've suffered enough without you,
please make me suffer no more
You're love felt real good,
like i did to you-you had loved me for who i am
Wouldn't it be best to bring it all back?
because loving me, is the only thing-
you and i know you're great at.

Ch!cKen Shi+ f0R +hE f*cked-uP S0ul...

14aug05
This is the first time i wl write in my journal, "the Expert case" way, sensh n s di mkintindi, i rly m fond of abbrev. and if ur a chronic texter...then gud for u! i dunno m thinkin' of resigning frm the freakin' exhausting burden of a job that i have at the moment, imagine talking the whole day-nah-blabbering may jst be the word, jst sick nd tired of this freakin'routine. m so tired bt i hv to admit i benefit a lot frm the whole thing-i mean where the heck can i get all the clothes i wear? imagine me decades ago with only a couple of decent clothes to wear coz i don't have the cash that rich kiddos like jacq and ciana have to buy those fancy-chic-designer apparels, i wear my casual clothes almost everyday of the week like a skul uniform (which is stl the same case now, only a bit better) and the fud-gosh, the fud that i now can eat, i don't even knw what yellow cab is way bk in college and not to forget-the fancy diners that call center whatchamacallits go to jst hang-out or better yet- booze out...

16aug05
22hanan n2! i resign! xcpt pag ntngap c me sa admin...hmmm...anyways sna mging success ako sa mga kpraningan at kagaguhang pinaplano ko. Goodbye perks and o.t. incentives (e ano ngayon, lilipat nmn ng g.y. no tenk!) wel, mamimis ko halos lahat ng homo sapiens sa a.m. flr, not to mention maribs and madam! who cud ever forget that piercing eyes and devil's smile! (in fairness mas mabait nga c madam sa lahat ng TM e) lalo na pg o.t. time, oops sori, cr muna ako or "m nt feeling well e". honestly? i ws kinda rushed in a way, mula ng nag 6a-3p ako nawndang nk ayoko n gumicng ng 5a for cryin out loud!!!! tulog p lahat ako lng gcng, m such a lunatic and to think na colcenter erepz should've xpcted dynamism (me word n gnyan tlga) daba? and what's this kahibangn all of a sudden, and gs2 k nmn ngyn mgaral ng nihongo? ur guess is as gud and nakakabaliw as mine-i have no freakin' idea...1 thing i knw, i wnt out. Out of expedia, mediocrity, stupid routines, skyscraping taxes, dwindling agt. stats., irate (stupid and arrogant) foreigners, etc. (in the meantym lng nmn), hehe! i wnt to have chassis na, ung imaginary chihuahua ko (soon to be pet sana) and have a normal happy life in the meantym, then study japoks, tutor the cheeky girls and boys of our neighborhood on how to sing ABC or identify the color red frm green and those stuff, probably cd burn at home (sidelyn, nampucha nmn!) then wait for my komisyon frm our monkey biznes in nasugby frm my business partner (in crime), gokiburi, tngn ko kuntento nk for 1yr. ciguro pg gnun. Bt the annoying thing re it is that my colleauges keep on telling me that i'l rly mis "the job" and "the money", i dunno i jst don't seem to care at this time, all i knw is jst i'm S-I-C-K and F-R-E-A-K-I-N' tired na po... wnt REAL fun.
i knw gumugurang n c me at wlng pnagkatandaan accdg. to my beloved haha (mom in japoks) at dpat dw mgstick sa work ng many yrs. hngng sa mpromote sa pgkapresidente o CEO ng kumpanya, we no ngyon! kebs! (don't u agree?) e sa pressured n nga c me e, bti nga nka 1 yr. pa, dti nga 6mos. lng e. Gosh, jst wnt to enjoy being young, m thinking, mgseseryus nlng ako pg TOTOHANANG work na gngwa ko-u knw, pg s abroad n, un MAKAKAIPON ka tlga...

24aug05
shit! dpt pla lumapit ako ke eulette di sna email agt. nk ngyn!bt b kc lumapit ako sa sup k, hmp!d nmn ako tnulungan, c chris d nmn pla trained nsa email n ngyn, wla nbng mas malas p sken?!!!

10sep05
do we always need to excuse ourselves everytime we sneeze? May mama kanina, pbreakfast2 p s tropical hut with matching basa pa ng periodico. Ako namn c takaw-sarap n sarap s peborit kong tapsilog, when all of a sudden, prng me kapreng bakulaw n sumigaw! Ung mama na nsa harapan ko, ngsneeze at di man lng inexcuse sarili nya. My! how can some people be obnoxious...dedma lng after that prng wlng nangyri...kainis how he cn be pretentious that he hadn't distracted anybody, oh well...life...

12nov05
grabe! nbulok n ang blog k!mula nang binan ng mga lintek n IT ang blog, nsira na ang buhay ko...anyways well, i dnt knw if m gna be sad or hapi kc ds is my last day as a universal agent, come mon. 14nov05 m a CSA (Customer Service Assassin) trainee na. I knw that it's the most hated post in psp bt m rly sick of the same calls. M rly a complainer by nature and i always wnt things to be easy so i doubt kng tatagal ak or better yet papasa as CSA. It's a challenge tlga and i don't knw any reason why i got accepted except for sure, will itech ni lord.

i rly intended to be an admin girl kya lng ayaw ata ng admin s girl n lging inaatake ng menstrual cramps, kala ko 2loy mkkpgcelphone nk s non-ops flr.huhu...until 1 day when my sup. was about to leave she suddenly asked me if i wnted to try applying for CSA, which i mockingly replied,"hell, yeah!" thinking as if mtatangap ak dun..wel the incident caused me to be delusional as the irate goddess of the Customer Service Advisory Team bt it easily slipped my mind as fast as it had occurred. Ako CSA? Might as well call me ***mnl-csa bubita/***


Then the unexpected thing happend, wel almost unexpectedly since i also prayed n mtngap dn ak for prestige or vain purposes only, i got accepted and i told all my koligs and parents that m actually gna move on and not be stagnant as quicksand, hihi...to be brutally frank, it scared the hell out of me bt at the same time made me feel a diff. high...if u knw what i mean. i jst hope things work for the better, surely i'll mis my friends on the flr. esp. maribs whom i love to talk dirty with,hihi, bad gurl! oh my, i dnt knw what to expect xcpt that im always pessimistic about it, how else would i handle things? =)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=7uYPHDSq_74